The day I found out I was expecting twins will go down in infamy for my family. It is a day I never anticipated arriving and a day I will NEVER forget. I remember heading to the ultrasound with A LOT of anxiety. Anxiety that they wouldn’t find a heartbeat or that we would get news that the pregnancy had terminated (my biggest fear in the world). Not only did they find a heartbeat – but they found TWO.
My husband and newly minted one year old were with me at this appointment. My one year old was willfully tearing the room apart while I tried to look at ease as I waited for the nurse. She started the ultrasound and I spotted a ‘baby’ on the image and relaxed – what a relief that after our fertility journey I was still pregnant. My heart was immediately filled with joy and my palms stopped sweating. I could finally relax. That’s when the nurse coolly said said “So there are two.” My world stopped at that moment… “Two WHAT?!” I asked. “Two babies,” she replied as if I had asked her what she was having for lunch. I was shocked and my anxiety returned. This was NOT part of my plan, this could NOT be happening. Twin pregnancies are complicated… they are high risk. Twins don’t ever sleep through the night – how would I breastfeed TWO BABIES?! Then I quickly did the math in my head– my oldest would only be 20 months old when they were born (if I went full term… which I did NOT). This wasn’t real life, this couldn’t be happening. But it was.
We left the appointment (and I called my mom and mother in law and broke the news, of course they were both ecstatic) and I headed to the gym while my husband headed into work… we went on with our lives. I ignored text after text from a couple best friends and my sister asking how the u/s had gone. I mindlessly zoned off in the world of the treadmill while I attempted to process what was happening – then I got excited. And nervous. And exhilarated & panicky – all at the same time. It was happening – I was going to be a mom of twins and I needed to embrace it.
I’d be lying if I said I was one of those people who always wanted twins – but I’d be lying more if I said I wasn’t beyond thankful that it happened to me and that I GET TO BE the mother of twins. And I’d be lying if I said I didn’t love the title TWIN MOM (I may as well wear a shirt that says ‘yes they’re twins and yes it was a surprise and yes I have my hands full and yes my heart is equally as full.)
So after an otherwise uneventful pregnancy that was cut short at 30 weeks and 2 days, followed by 7 weeks in the NICU – I got to bring these bundles of joy home on what will always be known as one of the best days of my life. The past two years have been a blur – of awesomeness, exhaustion, craziness and beauty. I’ve loved bigger than I’ve ever known possible and been more worn out than I ever could have imagined – but my idealistic perspective always comes back to the reminder that I am SO LUCKY that both of these babies are mine to love forever!
So what is so challenging about twins (aside from the obvious)?!:
- They switch schedules – when one decides they want to sleep, the other decides it’d be more fun to stay up all night and rip apart their room. My son climbs out of his crib and sprints to his sister’s room and flicks on her light to wake her up for the day by yelling “sissssssy!!!!” At 4 am….
- When they are both crying, I only have the capacity to calm one. Occasionally they both need me. This is hard because while they both fit on my lap I can only truly console one child at a time. It tears my heart in two when I can’t give them both my undivided attention.
- When we go to Target, if the ‘big’ cart is taken – we have to leave. Same for grocery stores and getting through any parking lot requires a stroller (not ideal, but for me – necessary!)
- They gang up on me. Sometimes they create diversions – one will distract me while the other runs to the freezer and grabs the ice cream. (And one time I was changing a dirty diaper while the other was rifling through the trash to find an orange we had thrown away… YUCK!)
- And the obvious… double the diapers, double the messes, double getting ready. Double EVERYTHING.
One BIG reason why twins are the most awesome thing in the world!!!:
My twins love bigger (and I love bigger) than I’ve ever known possible. I get twice the smiles, twice the hugs and twice the kisses. They have a built in best friend and bring me more joy than I ever could have imagined in this lifetime. They’ve made my life impossible (at times) – but I can wholeheartedly say that I WOULDN’T CHANGE A THING… I’m thankful on the daily that God chose ME to be their mama. It’s been hard, but sometimes the biggest challenges in life are those that turn out to be the most worth it. My level of happiness has soared and each day is an adventure! Cheers to all the twin mamas out there!